


cover it up

by bluhen



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M, for once? from me? wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-25 23:25:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18172811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluhen/pseuds/bluhen
Summary: he knows he can't hide it forever, but he wishes he could.





	1. Chapter 1

“Ciel…? Are you alright?”

He knew the answer, he just didn’t know _why_. It was hard not to notice the bright shoots of white now adorning his head, and more importantly… how he avoided Raven, lately. Something very, _very_ unusual.

He is met with only silence. Raven tries to brush the hair away from Ciel’s eyes, and he jerks, and that’s when Raven _knows_ something’s wrong.

“Don’t… Don’t do that,” Ciel whispers, and his tone sounds tired despite having no reason to be.

“Why not?” Raven asks, and moves to his face again. Ciel stumbles back, and his face looks truly afraid. Raven stops.

“ _Don’t. Justーplease_ , it’s, better if you just…” The way Ciel is muttering, Raven isn’t entirely sure if the words are even meant for him.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t… look…”

“Ciel?”

And it’s then that Ciel starts to choke up. “You’re not supposed to see… You’re not supposed to see, but I can never keep secrets from you, can I…?” He laughs, and it breaks part of the way through to a sort of sob. “Go ahead. It doesn’t mean anything to stop you anymore.”

And Raven, albeit apprehensively, reaches up to touch Ciel’s cheek. First kissing him, softly, trying not to let his shaky hands show. Ciel squeezes his eyes shut, at first, but slowly lets Raven see.

Smoky black, seeping through his sclera, dark as void and threatening to swallow the rest of it.

The first thing he says, is “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Ciel doesn’t look him in the eyes. He doesn’t answer, can’t answer.

Raven’s face scrunches up, trying to hold in everything bubbling in his throat. “At the very least… will you tell me what’s going on? What’s… happening to you?”

Ciel only stares at the space between them. His hair falls over his eyes again and Raven can’t see his face properly. “You already know… how Lu has been recently. I suppose it’s... taking its toll on me, in a way.” He sighs weakly. “I can’t stop it. You don’t need to worry.”

“Of _course_ I need to worry. We’re being serious. I _love_ you. _Of course I need to worry about it_.”

Raven alludes to that night and Ciel can’t hold it in anymore. Tears spill over, rolling down his face, visible no matter how he tries to hide it. Raven can only hold him as he mutters ‘I’m sorry’s into his chest.

Raven is plagued with worry. He didn’t entirely understand how the pact worked, he never truly had, but he knew enough to be very, very scared. But there really wasn’t anything he could do, was there…? All he could do, was…

Was stand idly by as those he loved suffered, _again_. _Again and again and again_.

Now, all he could do was hold Ciel, and keep him in this momentーkeep him safe, if only just for right now, if only for tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whereas the previous chapter was more during ciel's transformation to demonio, this is a while after he's become anular. a bit of personal interpretation in that anular's mind has become... foggy? anything other than lu or what she wants him to remember becomes muddled if not completely forgotten, kind of like amnesia.

Every now and then, Ciel finds a moment of solace.

Perhaps he is allowed these moments, instead, but Lu would never do that. Never be that kind. But that was alright, he didn’t mind. He didn’t really mind anything anymore, and that was alright as well.

He sits, cross-legged, on the higher end of a lone hill, and feels the cold night air on his skin and the grass under his palms. It’s wet with dew, and so very alive. There are footsteps.

A man whose name he can’t remember approaches him. He may not remember his name, but he vaguely remembers his smile and the way he’d laugh into the back of his hand.

The man comes to him, sits next to him. Ciel is familiar enough with him that he knows there’s no reason to fear him. He’s one of their ‘partners,’ after all. He lifts his hand up to Ciel’s cheek, refrains, somehow, and looks sad. Ciel doesn’t understand why his face is so melancholy.

He asks, after a moment that feels drawn out too much, “Do you remember when we used to stargaze in Hamel?”

And Ciel gives a subtle shake of the head, as he is not allowed to speak unless given permission, and because as of late speaking hurts more than it's enjoyable, but that's not something he's supposed to think about.

The man's face tightens in a way that Ciel almost recognizes, and then turns away.

After a long silence, he gets, “What can you remember?”

And Ciel thinks about it. He’s not supposed to think about the past, it hurts too much. But, for whatever reason, at this man’s gentle request, he feels like it would hurt more to deny him. He tries, for him. He tries, and he scrapes away at the wall standing firmly between him and everything he has, but his claws make no headway on the heavy stone. It hurts, though it shouldn’t, something in his heart tells him, but demons have no heart. He notices his hands sting a bit, and the man before him is grabbing them, distressed. Upon closer inspection, it seems he’d clenched his fists so hard his claws had dug into and broken his skin. What had he done that for…? His blood is black. It’s ugly.

When the man says, “It’s alright. I’m sorry. Don’t push yourself too hard,” he barely registers it. Everything feels foggy. The stars are so very bright. They look like her eyes, or they don’t, anymore. Were they ever that shining? He is being gripped tightly by the shoulders.

“Are you crying…? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” His voice is getting quieter. _Is_ he crying? His vision is blurry, perhaps he is. He shakes his head. He still thinks that he shouldn’t speak, although he has half a mind to take off the muzzleーbut the thought of doing so, of disobeying the order that he is not to take it off for anyone but Lu makes his hands shake. It stays on. He will stay quiet. Maybe the man will pick up on that it’s alright, that he doesn’t mind. He doesn’t know why he started crying, anyway.

The man sits close, as close as Lu would, which makes him nervous. The familiarity in the air around them is something that feels so foreign, somehow, but something that was only for Lu, only felt with Lu, why was he soー

The man is leaning on his shoulder, and he is so warm. Always, always, so warm. It's frightening, in a way that shouldn't be. “It's alright. Even if…” His eyes seem as if his gaze is drifting away from them, looking somewhere far off and into the stars blanketing them. “Even if you don't remember me… I'll always remember you. No matter what.” The sound of a soft sigh. “I promised I would protect you. I intend to keep it.”

Ciel doesn't think anyone has made a promise to him before, much less said they would protect him. It's always the other way around. Why is it always the other way around? The man who feels a part of him is so warm. She's so cold. Why is she so cold. Why is it always so cold? He nods. He doesn't know if this is the appropriate response. The night is so cold.

The man stays with him for a long time. They don't speak any more, he seems perfectly content to watch the sky with Ciel for as long as he likes. Ciel, meanwhile, cannot seem to find it in him to leave. He is not allowed to speak, so even if he wanted to… There is so much. He wants to tell him so much, but he doesn't know what any of it is. It threatens to burst out of his chest. He's gotten skilled at suppressing his words, though.

After a long whileーCiel stopped keeping track of time many years agoーHe feels the familiar scratching at the inside of his skull that tells him Lu wants him. He stands up without a word. The man almost falls, and for a reason he doesn't understand, Ciel doesn't let him, instead supporting him by the shoulders. (how stupid of him. his fingers are tipped with demon's claws, which he knows exist only for inflicting pain. he probably hurt the other man. stupid.) Had he fallen asleep? He wonders how one could be so peaceful and so trusting.

He doesn't seem to mind his possible rude awakening. He simply asks, “You're going?”

Ciel nods. They make eye contact, and it feels as if he's been locked in to something. His eyes are so bright. There's something burning in them that Ciel doesn't have. He doesn't know what. The man breaks his gaze. “Good luck. Stay safe, alright?” He says, tone concerned and unfamiliar. How odd, staying safe was never a concern for Ciel.

Nevertheless, he nods once again. The man locks eyes with him again, and after furrowing his brow in what must be thought for a moment, takes his hand. WhyーHis claws are so sharp, isn't this dangerous? He doesn't want this man to break. He doesn't know why it matters. He doesn't know why this feels familiar. Before he can process any further, a soft kiss is pressed to his muzzle. It shocks all of his thoughts into dissipating.

“...I love you. I still do. I always will.” His hands slip out of Ciel's, and his warmth away from him. He misses it quickly. (knows he shouldn't.) “If you remember nothing else… please remember that.” His voice is so gentle. So careful. What had Ciel done to deserve such care? He can still feel his breath on his skin. Lu’s call grows more urgent. He needs to go.

He gestures subtly with his hands and the other seems to catch on. “I'll be seeing you, then.”

Ciel nods as if he knows that for sure. Silent as he settled here, he makes his leave, not giving any thought to how the man would fare on his own.

The man who was so warm loved him. (or at least _said_ he did.) But it didn't make sense. Lu loved him as well, and she felt like ice. (but ice could still burn, couldn't it, he knew thatー)

He feels he should have asked for his name.


End file.
